Looking in the mirror and seeing the sinner in me invites waves of shame. But it doesn’t have to. I can be completely wrong about something and completely loved at the same time.
Because ‘wrong’ isn’t translated-unloved.
Recognizing our wrongs exercises our faith in God’s love for us.
Eve
Adam
David
Peter
Saul/Paul
All tight with God. All dead wrong a time or two.
Choosing Shame
In my everyday life, I get some things wrong and some things right. Shame enters when I get things wrong, but it’s manageable shame. It rattles me and provokes those taunting self-hate voices, yet it doesn’t completely smash my equilibrium. But that doesn’t mean I should tolerate it at all. Because when I am called out for bigger sin, like racism for example, I can’t handle it. The shame level is too high. I mistake being wrong for being unloved. And I retreat, avoid, deflect, or blame.
Shame tells us we must get it right ALL the time, or we are ALL wrong.
And wrong people can’t be loved.
A Different Choice
But God doesn’t want shame to be our response to correction.
Humility is the response that brings healing and restoration. Humility looks like David’s response to being called out for raping Bathsheba and murdering her husband He didn’t deny the impact of his choices. And although he prayed for the consequences of his sin to be easy, he accepted that they were not. (2 Samuel 12:19-20)
Humility also looks like a child. Jesus tells us to come as little children. And little children exist in a constant state of learning and growing. They are curious question askers, listeners, and learners. For example, they experiment by holding the pancake mixer unafraid to make a splatter. They want to learn and be a part of making breakfast for the family.
We train our kids through love, guidance, boundaries and correction. Not shame.
Misguided Defense Against Shame
So where did it come into my understanding once I become a Christian I wouldn’t get it wrong? Or that because I’m a Christian I am always the right one in the room.
In the past, I read the Bible from the perspective of all the right moves God’s people made. I believed as a Christian it was my destiny to live in that place of rightness. Looking back on those first two decades as a Christian, rightness seemed to be the objective. I’d been conditioned to create a perfect image of myself. A got-it-together image and a mouthful of answers was my goal. And when I failed, I hustled to find the fastest road of repair.
In essence the terrorizing Pharisee whispers to the Church: “Don’t slip up or let them see you slip up. Your reputation is at stake. Your ‘witness for God’ is at stake.”
But life and humans are more nuanced than that.
Community of Love
All this rightness and reputation blocks me from God’s real work of love on the earth. I don’t believe we are seeking rightness in one another. I believe we are seeking love and community. So if I can accept that I am wrong about something, instead of raising my voice to prove myself, I lower my clenched fists and expose my heart.
Because wrong doesn’t mean unloved.
Can I accept that I will get it wrong a lot? Can I accept that others will see it? Can I accept that that is ok?
Here is a truth I hang on to when I mess up:
Surely His goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. Psalm 23:6
Bible scholars say David probably wrote Psalm 23 later in his life. Which was after he committed serious crimes against Bathsheba and her husband.
I mention David here because God called him both an aggressive lover of God, and a sinner. I pray aggressive love is how we the Church communicate love to God and others. Aggressive love doesn’t care about our got-it-all-together image.
So this is what I believe David may have meant in Psalm 23:5.
Daily God’s goodness nips at my heels and lights up each day like mini firecrackers sparkling in the neighborhood of my life. I am so adored by God, He uses every opportunity to celebrate me.
And when I get it wrong, Mercy edges in front of goodness and chases me down. Mercy, heaves in for the tackle, then at the last minute slides underneath me to cushion my fall. This is not the end, Mercy says. Don’t give up. And, especially don’t minimize or deny this. Get gut-honest about what you got wrong, and I’ll always make restoration available. I can’t eradicate all consequences, but I can do a new thing. My restoration style may not be on your timeline or even how you imagined, but this, right here, is not the end.
Having our wrongs pointed out no matter how painful it feels at the time is a gift.
We can be wrong and fiercely loved by God at the same time.
Let’s pray together.
Lord, I picture myself in the center of Your heart, the center of Your beating passion for me.
Here in this place of absolute love, I acknowledge that I am capable of good and evil, and I need to humble myself before you and others on the regular. Here is my sin (name your sin here), Lord. There is no shame in this place of love. There is recognition and relief. There is humility and hope for change. Sometimes I will get it right and sometimes I will get it wrong. But no matter what Your love remains.
Let’s embrace correction today. Amen.
Applying Wrong but not Unloved in the Collective Church
White Christians, we can face racism in the Church. We don’t need to deny or minimize it. We can listen to our Black brothers and sisters and accept that yes, like David, we are responsible. We have participated, minimized, and ignored racism’s reality. We don’t need to scramble to fix it in a week or prove we will get it right from now on. Because we probably won’t. This will take time.
We can confess our sin, get curious about how to move forward by following Black leaders, and support antiracism initiatives in and out of the church.
And we can lean into all that from a place of being fiercely loved by God.
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