Who are you, Really?

What are we doing for the approval of others instead of God?

A friend of mine, and devout God lover, removed her head covering last week. Not because she doesn’t believe in it, and not because she is bitter at God or religious traditions. She did it because she was covering for the sake of others and not her gut honest faith in God. She covered for the approval of others.

What do I do? I hide.

Im terrified of disapproval. I have a false humility that keeps His gifts in me in the shadows. When I boil it down, its fear of man. After all these years, fear of man’s opinion of me still chokes my words and roadblocks my progress.

I’ve complained for years about the stuffy molds of American Christianity, but I still find myself hiding out in them. I blame others for judging me or the patriarchy for pushing me into them, but I have a choice.

Step out, take a chance and maybe look foolish, or step back and regret it forever?

We are fools for Christ…(1 Corinthians 4:10)

Conquering the Fear of Man

Last weekend, I sat in an intimate group where three leaders I adore and respect shared thoughts on leadership. Since finding out about the meeting a week before, I had a question for one of the leaders that I couldn’t get out of my mind. “What would your now self tell your old self when you just started out in your calling as a writer?” This leader is well known internationally and I wasn’t sure if I would ever meet him again in such an intimate setting.

It wasn’t a Q&A forum, but during a lull in the presentation I raised my hand and asked to speak. I was scared to death. I was afraid everyone would think I was selfish for asking. And silly for the way I asked, because let’s face it, when Im nervous, “The Jersey” spills out everywhere, and not everyone gets it.

(“The Jersey”-loud demonstrative speech and actions sprinkled with subtle sarcasm designed to poke innocent love and fun at the person you are talking with.)

I hated myself for asking the question and how I asked it.

On the way home I shouted out loud in the car to God:

Why am I like this? Why can’t I be more smooth? Why cant I look and act like other respected leaders? Will I ever really fulfil my call in the skin I’m in? What are you doing? What were you thinking making me like this?

Yet, when I thought about it, I didn’t regret asking one bit. The answer was just what I needed to hear. If I hadn’t asked I would have hated myself more for being a coward.

My first choice that day was to be safe, look “normal”, stay quiet and remain the same. The second, risk looking a little wild, but grow exponentially.

I came to you in weakness and fear and with much trembling. (1 Corinthians 2:3)

An Audience of One

I didn’t write it down, but this is basically what he said. Do what you do for an audience of One. Obedience to any call of God is an act of worship.

Again it comes down to Jesus and me. Face to face, alone in a world crowded with people and background noise.

He looks into my eyes with His warm confident smile and His thirtysomething laugh lines reaching out from His eyes. “Its just you and Me, doll.” He says.

And it’s just you and Him, doll. What are you going to do?

Do you, of course! He’s right there beside you.

Write the letter. Take the trip. Ask the question. Join the ministry. Pray out loud.

He made you like this. You are you on purpose.

Everywhere you visit and live shapes your identity. Every person who influences you or tries to break you shapes your character. And every longing in your heart unearths details to the unique design of you.

No one lives your life, and no one can do YOU like YOU.

Let’s be like my friend who removed her head covering. Smash the Christian molds you are trying to squeeze yourself into and sprinkle some boldness on your authentic self. Let the true you break through.

Is there something you want to do or say, but you are afraid its too out of the box?

Just try it anyway.

Being our unhindered true selves is a gift to us and to others around us. What others do with it is not up to us.

If people really knew me, they would love me. -Real Talk Kim