Squeaky, three-year-old-little-girl shouts tumble into the front door before she does. “Look, mommy,” she shrieks. pointing to her new prize.
Our oldest girl, responding to the ruckus, pauses her video game. Middle girl dances toward the commotion. I abandon my cutting board loaded with veggies, and we all converge at the front door.
Proud as a college student holding a diploma, little girl raises two shiny pink and white light up sneakers. Her eyes, her excitement and her shoes sparkle within the frame of the entrance way.
She‘d been running errands with her aunt, but her glittery, wobbly mary-janes slowed their pace. So she scored a new pair of shoes.
No more than five minutes later, muffled whimpering sounds trail into the kitchen. My sister and I follow the trail to find middle girl curled up on the couch. Several sunflower seed sized blotches of moisture saturate the cushion near her face.
“I want new Elsa sneakers too.” she moans.
“Aw, baby, it’s not time for new shoes yet.” I explain as I kiss her forehead. “You’ll get new ones when you grow out of your old ones.”
My words and hugs don’t appease her pain this time. The moaning increases as I rock her close.
Then it dawns on me. The tears aren’t about getting something new. She feels overlooked. Second place. Again, it’s not her turn. It appears like one of her sisters occupies first place in our thoughts instead of her.
But the truth is, even though little girl’s shoes were in worse shape, I was more concerned about middle girl’s shoes. I had been monitoring her foot growth closely over the last month. And it was almost time for a shoe upgrade.
I calculated exactly when I would take her to the store, and considered what brands would best support her activity level and responsibilities at school.
I was on it. I had thought about it. But she was unaware of my thoughts. If only she could grasp within her little heart how often I think about her during the day.
Then I remember how many times have I felt overlooked as God’s kid when I see other people receiving things or achieving.
Self talk mutters: “It’s never my turn. Everyone else is better than me, and more important than me.”
But imagine if we could hear God’s thoughts about us for a moment. “I’m always preparing things for you. Always measuring your growth. I know the exact timing of a promotion or a provision. I’m calculating closely to make sure your growth is just right so the “new shoe” fits perfectly.”
We’re not overlooked. This waiting place pulls us in close to our Father’s undistracted gaze. The anticipation is probably killing Him too because He knows how much fun it will be.
It may not be our turn right now, but He’s working everything out in our lives to get us the provisions and promote us to the positions He promises.
I lay on the couch for a while snuggling my girl whispering in her ear, “You were first in my thoughts, doll. I’ve been planning new shoes for you for months. I measure your foot everyday when you put on your sneakers. I know exactly where we will go for new shoes. It’s going to be so fun.” I kiss the top of her head, breathing the words into her hair. “I was just waiting for the right moment. Trust me, dolly, you will get new shoes and you will get them soon.”
Nevertheless, the next day she asked for new shoes again. So I took her. She wore the shoes all day, dancing and jumping as if the shoes had magical powers. Although I was happy to see her delight, I couldn’t deny the prick of regret irritating my joy like a papercut. The shoes weren’t proof that I loved her.
Now that she has the shoes, my intense attention to her growth and functioning isn’t needed. In the process, that’s where I was closest to her. She missed that and so do I.
Most of my journey with God is spent waiting for this or that. But promotion or provision isn’t the evidence of my value before God. It’s in daily dialogue and connection with Him where I experience His pure love and devotion.
That thing you’re waiting for. That promise He gave you. It’s gonna happen.
He’s got His eye on all your details waiting for the perfect moment to deliver. Enjoy His presence with you as you plow through the process. His lap space is endless. There’s no waiting in line for a seat. It’s always your turn to snuggle up cheek to cheek and feel His breath in your hair.
Lord, help us to see you and experience you in the waiting. We love you.
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