Self Control: The Misunderstood Fruit of the Spirit

I can’t remember when I started measuring my worth by my waistline, but I think it started around 3rd grade.

At times, I engineer enough willpower to resist the gift of food, abhorring its pleasure. It works for a while. But soon my will collapses. I hide in the rubble and binge on bags of chocolate. Consequently, self-hate slides around my neck, occluding any respiration of joy into or out from my life. Crumbs of love and peace return only after I’ve lived a few days with better food control.

For years I hated food and its effect on me. I hated myself for not being able to master it. I thought, if only I can control my food intake and the size of my body, then I will be an acceptable person in society.

As a result, unhealthy food regulation, rooted in self hatred, masked itself as the nourishing fruit of self control.

Fighting Against Myself Instead of for Myself

For as long as I can remember, I used my despised imperfections as motivation to employ self-control. I pressured, crushed and shoved my spirit, soul, and body into obedience hoping those changes would lead me to the love I craved.

Admittedly, self-control motivated by self-hate produced results. But those results never persuaded me to love myself completely. Because the results were never good enough. I was never thin enough or successful enough. I always came up short and I treated myself that way. Because hate only produces more hate; it’s never satisfied. It always roars for more.

Consequently that brand of self-control becomes a tool for self torture, not a lucious fruit squirting warm juice down our chin as we take a bite. 

And this isn’t what God intended. He created self control to nourish our spirits, not bludgeon our souls. 

The Fruit of the Spirit

So what exactly is Self-Control according to Galatians 5:22-23? How is it different than will power or the brute inner strength to resist something?

Pastor Walter Healy, a true father in the faith, once remarked, “What if Galatians 5:22-23 was written this way,

The fruit of the Spirit is Love: joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.”

Love is the primary fruit.  And the remaining words in those verses, mere descriptors of Love.

Love: one fruit segmented into 8 different parts.

Thinking of it that way, the genesis of self-control is Love. Love needs to be the root, the foundation, the very guts of self control.

How do we get to a place of love based self control?

Looking Back

Recently God led me through the minefields of a negative past experience. The mission’s purpose: disarm self-hate and plant love where explosions of pain forced me to abandon myself.  

At the time I didn’t know that was God’s plan. I just knew it was a painful walk through my past. But God invited me to go back there, and I agreed to trust Him. 

In the middle of this healing process I began to see myself differently. When glimpses in the mirror reflected craters and bulges in my body that used to repulse me, I now respected myself. Even accepted myself. I began to honor the whole person I saw in the mirror. Something was shifting inside me.

And not long after that I realized I was going to the gym because it felt good, not because I was trying to fix myself. Exercise became a gift, and I stopped hyperfocusing on every last calorie that passed my lips. I was free to choose. I could eat the ice cream or not, and still be ok with myself either way. I felt safer with me.  Without one ounce of change in appearance, my self-love grew. 

By no means am I perfect or fixed, but I am leaning into love more. 

And love is the starting place for everything holy. 

Self-Eval

So how do we know if our self-control is rooted in love? 

1. Make a quick mental list of your goals, dreams and priorities that affect your life this week. 

1. Pick one that means the most to you right now.

1. Now ask yourself this question: 

If I fail at working toward that one thing this week, could I still love myself fully?

If the answer is no, then we need to go back to the basics of God’s pure and passionate love for us. (John 3:16; Jeremiah 31:3)

Prayer Time

Can you remember what happened to you that caused you to abandon yourself? What happened that caused you to desert yourself and instead use control to crush, pressure and shove yourself into a more acceptable image? 

Let’s take a moment with God. Ask Him to take you back through the minefields of your negative past experiences. 

Ask God to plant love in those loveless craters of your past. He is so ready to heal you.

Nothing can separate us from God’s love. So why should we treat ourselves any differently? Let God bring you back to yourself. 

And as a result, instead of using the self-hate motivated tool to suckerpunch your body and soul into shape, the true outgrowth of self control will emerge. It will dangle over your palm like the luscious fruit God intended it to be for you.