I slide out of my comfort zone silent and watchful. I pray those bold prayers, “not my will but Your’s be done, Lord.” Yet, as I enter more distressing territory my agreeable attitude dwindles . For the most part, on the outside, I’m able to maintain the look of a stealthy steady soldier. But my insides shape into a pouting child huddled in a corner. My knees scrunch up to my chest, and I point a chubby accusing finger toward the God who led me there.
The older I get the less I enjoy the exhilaration of adventuring outside my comfort zone. Lately, I crave the gentle shores of structure, and carefully curated daily disciplines. My breath is slow and steady in my comfort zone. I am in control.
The heat is on.
During one stretch of time I spent in an unfamiliar territory, hunger, heat and fatigue closed in on me. I chewed the inside of my lower lip to distract me and barricade words from spilling over it’s ledge. Words I would later regret. Anger burned my tears before they had a chance to reveal themselves. And every attempt to relieve myself of hunger, heat or fatigue led to a dead end.
Because even the mundane becomes a struggle when we’re stumbling around outside our comfort zones. And in new places minor challenges quickly add up into a blazing pressure against our souls.
In Matthew 13:3-9 Jesus’s teaches us about the farmer sowing seeds in different types of soil.
He tells us how one particular scatter of seeds clinked down on rocky ground. Those seeds spring up quickly, but as soon as a little heat bears down on their fragile stems, they shrivel up and die because they have no root system to nourish them.
Later He translates the story into heart language in Matthew 12:20-21. Seeds are the word of God. When we hear it we celebrate, but as soon as problems mount up like rocks our faith decays.
It’s Getting Hot in Here
Up until this point in my trip outside my comfort zone, I was stone-faced and holding it together.
Now, I couldn’t take the heat and my fortitude finally faltered.
I had two choices: Evacuate to a more pleasing environment letting my faith fizzle out. Or with the only control I had left–my free will– reach the tendrils of my tender raw heart toward heaven and tap into God’s heart.
This was my chance to grow my faith beyond this rocky road and root myself deep into God.
Rooted
Fortunately in this moment I chose to turn to God, but it wasn’t a smooth surrender. I heaved expletives toward heaven. And unleashed questions. Why God? What could possibly be good in all of this?
Immediately after I hurled those questions towards heaven an image flashed in my mind. I saw God sitting on the throne. Angels were singing and circling about, oblivious to me and my tantrum. But God was relaxed and looking right at me. He wore neither a frown or a smile. He wasn’t shaken up by my discomfort or frantically searching for my way out. He knew the timeline of my life. This wouldn’t kill me. He knew the reason I had to press through the discomfort.
As I observed His cool calm in that moment, panic drained from my soul. Even in the craziness of my emotions and foreign circumstances I could root my shaky self to the unchanging one and steady my soul.
Conversations with Dad
In this brief movie-like prayer time He didn’t reprimand me or rebuke me for crying out and losing my grip on my emotions and my faith. He reminded me of who He was. Silently confident, perfectly unchanged, and acutely aware of my situation. As a result, the roots of my soul twirled around the character of His heart.
That moment reminded me of a child seeing her dad standing at the door on her first day of Kindergarten. Similar to that little girl, I didn’t stop being uncomfortable. But my soul stopped flopping and gasping like a fish on a dock. He saw me and He wasn’t panicking. It would be ok. I would survive this.
In unfamiliar terrain we are not alone. We can root ourselves to God and endure the heat. That anger and despair you feel, don’t be afraid of it, vent those emotions to God so they don’t incinerate your faith. Venting our emotions to God is one way to root ourselves to him. Vent and expect an answer. David did. And so did Jesus. (Psalm 13; Luke 22:43-44)
God answered them and strengthened them for the hard days they faced. And He will do the same for you. (Ephesians 3:16-19)
In testing circumstances we may never know how salvation will burst forth or how God’s glory will shine. But one thing is for sure, we will come out of it a different person. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18, Deuteronomy 8:16)
Hear God’s hushed song for you today.
Thank you for letting Me shape you, My girl. You will soon see My purpose from this visit to the un-comfort zone. I’m here with you and I’m so proud of you. Put your tender arms into mine; I will hold you steady and strengthen you through it.
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