How to Combat the Insecurities Blocking your Dreams

“What do you want for your life?” She asked a room full of women.

One answer floated through my heart as I listened to her speak.

She was smart, and she was beautiful. Surrounded by a veil of flowing brown hair, her green eyes danced when she spoke about God. Her life story was a mix of intense circumstances and light hearted quips. 

That’s how I imagine God’s personality too: intense and silly. 

When life gets difficult the Father stands in front of us; His forehead rests on ours. He breathes slow and steady.  He wraps His arms around our shoulders stabilizing us with His breath and strength. 

And when I take myself too seriously, hyperfocusing on work and neglecting to add play to my life, God gets goofy. In those circumstances  I see Jesus balling up His fingers to noogie my head or lift me up in a big bear hug unlocking a laugh. It works every time. Unnecessary tension releases. He’s the ideal big brother. 

And big brothers don’t abandon you when you have difficult decisions to make. 

So what do you want? 

Are you at a crossroads or a transition phase in your life? 

What do you want to do?

Currently I’m at a transition in my life. Fifteen years ago God put a desire on my heart for education. So I started college. Within eight years I was ⅔ of the way finished when my daughter was born. I decided to pause my educational pursuits to raise my kids. I surrendered the dream.

But now seven years later the bones of my dream are rattling and swirling up dust in the desert. 

“What do you want?” I hear God asking. 

“I want to go back to school,” I reply.

The student in me is coughing back to life. And I’m excited. But, sure enough, scorpions carrying poisonous ‘what if’s’ and ‘yeah but’s’ scuttle nearby threatening my progress. 

For me, the enemy has a short list of ‘what if’s and ‘yeah but’s to employ. 

What if I fail?

What if I’m wrong?

What if I’m being selfish?

Yeah but, its expensive.

Yeah but, I’m not qualified.

Yeah but, where do I even begin?

Fortunately, when we walk with God long enough through things, He answers all those questions. 

What if I fail? I probably will fail along the way, but I will get there eventually. 

What if I’m wrong? When I’m not sure, I keep asking for confirmation, but I do start moving. God will lead me in the right direction.

What if I’m being selfish? If I’m following God’s will, I’m not being selfish. God’s plans for us are amazing. And if I feel selfish I surrender it to God. I let Him purify my heart, but I won’t let that accusation of selfishness  (whether true or not) stop me from progressing forward.

Yeah but, its expensive? God provides. 

Yeah but, I’m not qualified. Of course I’m not! That’s what makes it a miracle. And as Pastor Mark Batterson always says, “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.”

Yeah but, where do I even begin? Just start with one step. One phone call. One email. One internet search, and take it from there. 

As we walk with God refusing to give up we crush those doubts and lies. But in order to crush, we have to make a move. So we jump in.

And now after a few decades of walking with God, He’s built up my faith to all those common “what ifs and yeah but’s”. 

A New “Yeah But”

A new ‘yeah but’ surfaced for me this time around. And I’m embarrassed to share it.

Yeah but, I’m so prideful. I will let my education go to my head. My confidence will soar when people admire my academic achievements. It will feed me the acceptance that I crave. So maybe I shouldn’t do it, or maybe I can hide the pride. 

Being proud of myself for doing hard things, and having confidence in my unique personality is a healthy pride. We should celebrate who we are and the successes we achieve. God the Father is definitely proud of us. We can’t let the enemy steal that from us. 

But when I hunger for the accolades of others to feel proud of myself, self-confidence morphs into self-consciousness. Because the truth is, that kind of pride actually pumps up our insecurities not our identity. 

Its like posting a picture the we love of ourselves on Instagram. We feel amazing in the photo. And we should. We’re beautiful.

But after a few hours, no one comments. We get a few measly likes. And our self-confidence sinks. 

Or people love it, and our confidence flies high. 

Both of those results let others dictate our level of self-love.  

The only “like” you really need is your own. Do you like you? 

And, God’s opinion of you? That was settled long ago. He really, really, really likes you. 

Outside Approval

If I’m honest, entertaining outside approval in my educational pursuits is an attempt to soothe my perceived lack as a mom, my lifetime struggle with body image, and my semi-awkward social interactions.  

External pride perks up in areas of success attempting to wallpaper areas of weakness. It’s a defense mechanism designed to cover our insecurities, but it will let us down.

Compliments and adoring looks will satisfy those approval cravings for a moment, but it will not heal the true longing to be loved. Only God’s divine adoption can calm our ache for acceptance.

So what’s the antidote to pride? Get honest about it.  

Spill it all. Pride, insecurities, all of it. Bring those thoughts into the conversation with you and God.  

Let the Father’s love kiss your forehead and hold you close as insecurities slide off of you.

Let the Brother’s love elbow your ribs and say, “Hey, don’t take yourself so seriously you’re always accepted in this family. Come on! This is going to be one fun ride!” 

Let’s go!