For the Overachiever: When you Miss the Mark

I pace back and forth in front of the fridge. I grasp the door handle, and then let go. I glance over at the orange on the counter considering it a better option. I snatch the orange from the bowl, breathe out a forced sigh and pace back to the living room.

“I’ll wait until tonight, Lord.” I mumble through a mouthful of orange. “If You don’t give me confirmation to keep this fast/diet going, then I’m eating it.”

Ten minutes later I peel the thin paper casing from the bottom of the moist buttery mound. I sink my teeth into the billowy white icing, and mentally wave my tiny white flag in surrender.

I’m a Whole 30 drop out.

At 15 days in, I bailed. I gained weight on the plan, yet I never ate one of my favorite guilty pleasures. I was definitely doing something wrong.

The old me would have reworked the plan, restricted food, and rubbed in all the willpower I could muster just to avoid that soul suffocating feeling of failure.

This time I glared failure in the face and said, “So what, Failure!”

Then I looked myself in the mirror, (yes, it felt awkward) and said, “you, my friend, are still awesome and loved.”

Still, I felt unsteady. Who exactly is that core person in me that God deems ‘awesome and loved’? And how do I regain my equilibrium after a fail?

Engaging Your Core and Spotting the Mark

In the art of dance, athletes are trained to engage their core and “spot” during turns.

When a dancer engages her strong core she can stand and turn on one leg for extended periods of time without faltering. Balance isn’t achieved by focusing on what her arms and legs are doing. Balance is achieved by engaging her core, grounding her to her center.

At the same time, “spotting” maintains her focus. When a dancer performs a turn sequence, her eyes focus away from her onto a particular spot. Her body then floats through some of the turn. Near the end of the rotation she turns her head quickly, returning her gaze to the same focal point. Spotting prevents dizziness and disorientation.

In life, when we engage our core and “spot” Jesus, we maintain balance and focus through the twists and turns of life.

Cupcake Wars

When I ate that cupcake on day 15, failure hissed his suppressing song in my head, and I silenced him by engaging my core. “Tara, you are still loved.”

Although I wasn’t wailing on myself for a missed goal, still, my overachiever mind calculated possible scenarios for salvaging my failed plan. I hadn’t fully regained equilibrium. I felt like this was only a half victory. I threw up a “help me, Jesus” prayer.

A still small voice whispered back, “Jesus is your Mark. Return your gaze to Me.” As soon as I surrendered to His words, the spiritual vertigo stabilized and peace strolled into my heart again.

In the days that followed, however, dizziness crouched at the doorway, and insecurities threatened a take-over. I had to consciously “spot” Jesus. Additionally, I actively searched for and engaged my core.

“Where is Jesus? And who am I?”

Spotting Jesus was the easy part. When tempted to side-eye my mistakes again, I snapped my focus back to Him through a prayer. Often I closed my eyes, drank in a deep gulp of air and called His name as a way of ‘spotting’ Him.

Engaging the core of who I was proved more difficult.

The following exercises helped me unearth who I really am. We don’t have to flex our love for ourselves based on our successes and missteps. We can engage our true selves now and love ourselves consistently.

Exercises to help engage your core.

Resist saying bad things about yourself, either to yourself or someone else
Make a list of things you love about yourself.
Do something you love to do that is not work or goal oriented. (ie., bake, paint, lay in the sun, read, lay on the couch and listen to that new album you just bought.)
Answer the question: who am I if I am not the sum of my accomplishments or failures?

Fix your eyes on your Mark and pray with me:

Lord, I turn my gaze back to you today. You are my Mark.
Thank you, Jesus, for the me you made me to be. I love ( insert your likes here ) bread and best buds. I hate (insert your dislikes here) blueberries and being outside. Unapologetically, that’s who I am. I love me, You love me, and I want to be good at being me. Help me to always engage the true me within. And when my eyes stray from the Mark to my mistakes or milestones, help me to fix my eyes back on You. I can take a minute to reset if I need to. I’m not a failure.